Ana's Blog     or: Confessions of a Portuguese Teenager                           Page 4

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Ana in white pantyhose
 
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  Name:  Ana
  Age:  20 (no longer a teenager!)
  Occupation:  Donkey Nurse
  Country:  Portugal
  Website:  www.meia-calca.com

 

Sexy twins
Costança and Catalina love donkeys

Friday 14th April 2006.

I suppose I should wish everyone a happy easter, so happy Easter!!!

Distressed animals don't know much about human holidays, and work here at the donkey sanctuary goes on as normal. The sanctuary is run by two twins, Costança and Catalina, who have a stinking rich father. Two years ago the Cs were on holiday in Rio de Janeiro and saw how abused the poor beach donkeys were. They got Daddy to buy up all the donkeys and ship them, first class, back to Portugal, where they set-up this sanctuary in the hills just north of Lisbon. Costança and Catalina really love donkeys and often let them sleep in their plush villa. My accomodation is a bit more humble - a converted stable - yet it's comfortable and quite adequate for my needs. The only annoying thing is that I have to go over to the C's villa for internet connection. As I type this an excitable donkey called Braga is nibbling my ear!!!!

Friday 14th April 2006.

Oh, and I forgot to add, as well as me and Costança and Catalina the final member of our little team is Suzanne, who claims to be a vet and lives in the stable next to mine. Suzanne likes heavy metal (AC/DC et al) and is a Wiccan. The twins adore Suzanne and love listening to her stories about when she lived in Wales and used to smuggle leeks across the border into England.

Isabela is coming to visit me next weekend - another brainstorming session to figure out what our next move will be with meia-calca.com. I told Izzy not to bring Bruna along, because I think Izzy's going to want Suzanne all to herself!

Suzanne wearing black tights
Suzanne having a break from injecting donkeys

Sunday 16th April 2006.

SO WHAT HAPPENED WITH ROB???!!!

 

head in red tights
It's still a bit painful to talk about, yet Suzanne gave me a tantric massage this evening and with a lubricated forefinger made me a 'novice witch', so I'm feeling a bit looser about things.

Rob, Rob, Rob, oh how my heart bleeds! It was all that bloody iguana's fault! I was working on my computer and got a call from Mrs Fraga's Brasilian boyfriend. The iguana had eaten a copy of the Daily Mail and was goose-stepping and having a nervous breakdown. I rushed over to help, leaving my computer switched on, and Rob, who was staying over, read everything: the web site, the e-mails, the whole kaboodle.

Rob said that it wasn't so much the fact that Izzy and I were running a nylon fetish site for Portuguese perverts and I was prostituting myself for paltry dollars and was the worst kind of whore, but more that I hadn't been honest with him.

*sobs*

 
redhead wearing red tights
porn review

Monday 17th April 2006.

I've been doing some more photo reviews for the web site...

This picture is interestingly staged: a redhead wearing red tights and photographed against a red background. Ordinarily, such a composition wouldn't work well. It works here, though, because of her white torso, leaning to the right and making her breasts more prominant, and because of the black leather hotpants, which she is obviously in the process of removing. The erotic nature of this photo is further enhanced by the girl's piercing, blue eyes, which are looking straight at the viewer.

Saturday 22nd April 2006.

I want to take this opportunity to thank a really sweet guy who's helped me with my blog. His name's German and he's Mexican and has done a translation from English into Spanish (the brave man!). Spanish is a wonderful language, ¿¡but what's the deal with all those upside-down questions marks and exclamation marks? I'll tell you later!

Translators rarely get the credit they deserve for what is a very hard job, particularly when it comes to interpreting personal writing like diary/blog entries; not to mention poetry, which is almost impossible to translate literally. This is one of my favourite quotes, and it's by Cyril Connolly, who described contemporary poets as: "jackals snarling over a dried-up well".

Here's another quote, for German...
 
For what is liberty but the unhampered translation of will into act? - Cyril Connolly


German's dog, Murray, who it's rumoured can speak Russian
Sunday 23rd April 2006.

Isabela descended on us yesterday. Izzy understands more Spanish than me and just loved German's translation of my blog (see the post above). Izzy also understands the Wicca belief and her and Suzanne hit it off straight away, as I knew they would.

Once I managed to drag Izzy away from Suzanne we got down to business: why isn't the web site making as much money as we thought it would?

Isabela awaits Suzanne
Isabela admires the donkeys
We've put a tremendous amount of work into it with little return! Izzy is as good with figures as she is with her fingers and did some calculations using recent internet statistics. Discounting the English language (because there's too much competition) our market is Portuguese, Spanish and French speakers, and Izzy came up with the following for these three languages:

Portuguese + Spanish + French = 131 million users, 18.9% of surfers

That's a huge market, and even if only a tiny, tiny fraction are interested in what we're selling it should still enable us to buy a Porsche Carrera. Yet I have a pushbike and Izzy has to use the bus. Which brings us back to the thorny issue of traffik again. Izzy told me not to get too depressed, because our site is now getting a reasonable amount of traffik. It's nearly all Portuguese and Spanish traffik, though, and we agreed that our next move should be to increase French language traffik.

But how? perhaps have Serge Gainsbourg's Je t'aime moi non plus playing on the landing page?!

Wednesday 3rd May 2006.

Haven't had much time to scribble in this blog. One of the donkeys got its foot caught in an ironing board and then developed a personality disorder.

Izzy has gone back to Estoril and I miss her. So does Suzanne, who's gone all misty-eyed and keeps having nose bleeds. I've been using what little time I have to start translating this blog into French - merde a la puissance treize. Phew! I didn't realise just how bad my written French is! Only one thing looks more awful than a bad haircut, and that's a bad translation. Can anyone help?

Vive la france!
French erections
feet in tights
Mia explains the Communist Manifesto
Monday 8th May 2006.

A friend of Suzanne arrived yesterday. Her name's Mia and she's a member of the Welsh Marxist Party. Apparently, Suzanne and Mia first met at Llanfairpwll Station after their train was delayed because of leeks on the line. Costança and Catalina got bored with having their hair done and have joined the Workers Socialist Party. They've hired Mia to run their cell. Mia seems very nice and has been quatered in the humble south wing of the twin's villa.

Mia's interested in me and has been very kind. Yesterday evening I invited her to my stable for a glass of wine. I asked her what she thought about pornography and her answer surprised me:

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

Thursday 11th May 2006.

Mia's amazing! She knows so much about literature, science, art and politics that it puts me to shame. She's also multi-lingual and has started to teach me Welsh, which is a fascinating language, particularly if you have a heavy cold.

Mia asked me to photograph her for the web site! Mia's so confident and controlled that when she stripped off for the photo shoot it made me feel like a shy schoolgirl. I fumbled and didn't know where to plug in my battery charger! Fortunately, Mia knows how to relax a girl and guided me to the correct sockets.


I didn't know which socket to plug into!
Friday 12th May 2006.

We kissed. WE KISSED!!! As our lips approached I thought it would be weird, but it wasn't; and then our tongues entwined: oh God, heaven. HEAVEN.

pantyhose girl in bath
Ana takes the plunge
I never imagined it could be like this. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER... *sighs*

When we were younger, Izzy and I used to kiss and touch each other. Kid's stuff, and I never thought I'd be aroused by a fully grown woman. There's something about Mia, though: she's electric, she exudes strength and sexuality. My mind, my body melts into hers.

After our first kiss I told Mia that I had to take a bath, because I'd been working all day with the donkeys, but really I needed to get my thoughts together. Damn, how could I sleep with another woman?! I've never before felt attracted to another woman. I knew Mia was waiting for me on the bed, and was as wet and willing as I.

I'll try to figure it all out in the morning

          Rwy'n dy garu di

Thursday 18th May 2006.

The dictionary definition of bisexual:
sexually attracted by both men and women.

 
Oh, and did you know that Bishkek is the capital of Kyrgyzstan?

lesbian kiss
Friday 19th May 2006.

I'm definitely bisexual, because quite often when I'm laying with Mia I find myself wishing that Rob was there as well (girls are better at kissing yet you can't beat a hard man). This morning, though, Suzanne was there. It was our day off and Mia and I were having fun in the hay loft. Suzanne joined

girls kissing
Citizens of Lesbos
 
us and then played her ukulele while Mia sang Welsh folk songs in a kind of sapphic metre.

Did you know that Sappho was an acclaimed poet..?

Please

Come back to me, Gongyla, here tonight,
You, my rose, with your Lydian lyre.
There hovers forever around you delight:
A beauty desired.

Even your garment plunders my eyes.
I am enchanted: I who once
Complained to the Cyprus-born goddess,
Whom I now beseech

Never to let this lose me grace
But rather bring you back to me:
Amongst all mortal women the one
I most wish to see.

Friday 30th June 2006.

Another long gap in my diary entries... Mia was seduced by the twins and I've been fired from the donkey sanctuary.

Why oh why am I so hopeless at relationships?! I'm just as much a failure with women as I am with men. *sobs*

My career is also a failure and now I'm washing dishes in order to earn a crust. How can I sink so low? And talking of sinks, the French term for a dish washer is plonguer, which quite literally means a 'dipper'; so named because in the days before dish washing machines it all had to be done by hand, and it was very hard, hot and dirty work.

The plonguers used to first dip the dirty plates in one sink, then in a second clean sink for the final wash, and it was all done at 100 miles an hour, hence the term 'dippers'.

washing pantyhose feet
football pantyhose
Women are from Venus and men are from Mars
Thursday 6th July 2006.

Boo hoo, we lost, we lost!!!!!! Portugal have been knocked out of the World Cup!!!!

Actually, I find football really boring and think that the only reason the fans get paralytic drunk all the time is to try and make the game mildly interesting.

This football stuff has also had a bad effect on business. Traffik to www.meia-calca.com has plummeted since the World Cup started. How can something so boring take precedence over sexual gratification?! Hmm, men are definitely from Mars...

Friday 10th November 2006.

A big gap in my blog entries: I've been washing dishes for more than 20 weeks, on crap wages and in a hellhole of a kitchen *shudders*. Oh well I suppose it was marginally more dignified than being a hooker; or maybe not... oh, and I'm using the past tense because I've now got a much better job (and don't anymore have to clean-up vomit in the toilets).

Izzy's still working at the Estoril casino (and earning about ten times more than I do!!!) and we haven't seen much of each other since the summer. In otherwords, meia-calca.com has been in a state of limbo. Last month I started an advertising campaign to try and get more traffik to the site, but more about that later, once I've got used to writing blog entries again. All I will say is that Izzy and I had a bit of a row about who would pay for the ad campaign (she does earn ten times more

than I do!), and Izzy said that I'm childishly obssessed with our online adult entertainment project.

The secret of genius is to carry childhood into adulthood

 

Hooker wearing red tights
Monday 13th November 2006.

Traffik, traffik, traffik, it's all about traffik! (see a previous post about this) So, last month I tried out some search engine advertising. This is those 'Sponsored Links' you see, usually on the right hand side of the page, when you do a search on Google or Yahoo or other search engines. To explain how it works I'll use Google as an example (all the other search engines use a similar principle for the advertising they display): the Google advertising structure is known as 'AdWords', and it all starts with bods like me, who want to get traffik to their web site in order to make sales. Bods like me bid for key words and phrases that folks will type into a search engine and thus trigger the advert to be displayed; ie, "Pantyhose" is an obvious one, yet perhaps too generic (it could be a housewife in Idaho who wants to buy a pair of tights), but if someone searches for "pantyhose fetish" or "cum on pantyhose", et al, the meia-calca.com advert will come up and it'll be exactly what that person is looking for. In otherwords it's precisely targeted advertising; and the beauty of it is that you don't pay for how many times your ad is shown, you only get charged when someone clicks on your ad (and that click means one more visitor to your web site).

To anyone unfamiliar with search engine advertising it no doubt all sounds a bit complicated, yet this is a multi-million dollar industry so I'll give a brief account of how the bidding works on Google AdWords:- supposing a bod like me bids 2 cents a click for the phrase "pantyhose fetish", which obviously lots of other pantyhose sites will bid for, and let's suppose another pantyhose site bids 4 cents a click for this phrase. They don't automatically get top spot for the phrase/traffik due to the higher bid because it also goes on the 'click through rate' (CTR); ie, if my ad gets displayed 100 times and 10 searchers click on my ad that's a click through rate of 10%. If my rival gets a click through rate (CTR) of only 2% I'll win the top spot, despite having a lower bid. You see, Google multiply the bid by the CTR to determine who gets top spot on a key word or phrase - 10% x 2 cents = 0.2 (that's my score). 2% x 4 cents = 0.08 (my rival's score is lower than mine). I win top spot for the keyword or phrase. Google's thinking behind this is that a high CTR means that the advertiser has produced good quality ad copy and is selling a product that searchers want.

All well and good, it seems. Thing is, just lately the AdWords programme has been heavily abused. It's all because of the flipside of AdWords, which is called AdSense. AdSense is for web site owners who want to earn a bit of money by carrying ads on their sites, in this case AdWords ads. You may have stumbled across, say, a stamp collecting web site that carries such Google ads, which are AdWords ads paid for by bods like me; and once again it's highly targeted advertising. The abuse has come about because there are now a plethora of 'parked' domains carrying AdSense ads. A 'parked' domain is a www.whatever.com (or .net or .org or whatever) that is not a real web site. They're sites that have either fallen fallow, or the owners have run out of $$$ to run them, or the domain name is being held unused in the hope of making money out of selling it. Certain companies, who will remain nameless, make a tidy profit by offering to host such domains free of charge. Such companies 'park' these domains and put Google AdSense ads on them. Most of the parked domains make little money, but if you're a company who's got millions of domains 'parked' the little for each domain adds up to a lot of money.

The upshot for you, dear surfer, is that your search experience is being ruined. You've no doubt come across these junk parked domains, which will contain a Google search box and lots of links to gobbledygook (much of which is computer generated with just enough keywords to keep the search engine bots happy).

sexy smiling girl wearing tights
The downside for bods like me, who use search engine advertising, is that we get a mass of junk traffik (ie, traffik that does not convert very well) from these parked domains, and it's traffik we have to pay for. The AdSense ads are known as the 'content' network. The ads which appear on the actual search engine page are known as the 'search' network. 'Search' traffik converts well. Google claims to have tested 'content' traffik yet the experience of this bod is that content traffik converts very badly: it's crap traffik. And worse still, a lot of these parked domains are now appearing in 'search' results, distilling the quality of this particular kind of traffik.

All of which probably means little to you, dear surfer, except, as pointed out, you may have noticed that just recently your search experience has declined. For bods like me it means that last month I saw more than 100 Euros of my hard earned money completely wasted on junk traffik from parked domains.

I need to go lay in a darkened room, where there'll no doubt be luminescent ads on the walls...

Tuesday 21st November 2006.

The previous post probably left my poor readers reeling. Sorry about that; but see, if you're trying to make money on the internet, with porn or just about anything else, you tend to get obssessed with traffik - because that's what success or failure hinges on.

zentai suit
People get turned on by the strangest things
This blog brings quite a lot of traffik to meia-calca.com. Thing is, it's not quality traffik, it doesn't convert very well, because folks who land on this blog often get here via searches that are not specific to a pantyhose fetish.

Hmm, a pantyhose fetish: it may seem a bit unusual to folks who arrive here expecting to find something else, but believe me a nylon fetish is quite normal compared to what rocks other people's boats. As an adult webmaster, during your work you come across all sorts of weird and wonderful sites. Here are some (not gross) examples...

bangamidget.com
(the name describes it adequately!)

cigarglamour.com
(for people who get turned on by seeing girls smoking cigars)

pinocchia.com
(for people who like girls with big noses - huh?!)

Thursday 23rd November 2006.

Perhaps it's due to my brief affair with Mia that just lately I've been thinking an awful lot about ballerinas. Last year Izzy insisted on having a ballet section on the web site, and at the time I thought it was a mad idea, particularly since some of Izzy's galleries do not show ballerinas wearing pantyhose. We do run a pantyhose fetish web site, after all. *Screams*. However I've now decided to do my own ballet section, 11 galleries showing 296 photos, and 20 movie clips as well, and all the ballerinas are wearing pantyhose!

ballet dancer being photographed
Seducing the audience
Thursday 23rd November 2006.

It's the white tights that get to me; encasing muscular yet feminine legs *sexual shudder*.

You may have noticed that this blog has a disclaimer at the top of every page: "you must be over 18" and all that stuff, even though my blog has never been overtly pornographic; but I suppose that depends on how you define 'pornography'. The disclaimer has had to be put there because we've been advertising with search engines, search engines which are caught-up with all this USC 2257 nonsense. More about that later. In the meantime, white ballet tights, which I'd like to smear with strawberry jam which I'd then lick off.

ballet dancer bent over double
Where's the strawberry jam?
Tuesday 1st January 2008.

Ha, so you thought you'd seen the last of me! It's been a loooooooong time, and a HAPPY NEW YEAR! So where have I been? busy licking ballerinas?! Noooo, it's just that keeping up a blog like this is very time consumming (and how many blogs can you name that are translated into three other languages?) and, as mentioned in one of the posts further up, although we get a lot of traffik from this blog it's not traffik that converts very well (how do you like being referred to as 'traffik', dear reader). In otherwords it's not cost effective to update this blog; but what the hell, I enjoy inflicting my scribblings on you!

Also, we've been very busy with the web site. If you look at our updates page you'll see that we've been adding a huge amount of content (there's more than 1800 photos in the January update alone), which involves a huge amount of our time. Izzy and I are still not millionaires, and we're still smoking. Meia-calca.com has not yet reached a criticle mass, where a trickle of money turns into a stream and then a mighty river. Well, one has to be optimistic or else one will probably die penniless in the gutter, wearing one's pantyhose of course.

Girl wearing pantyhose in the sea
Trickles and streams and rivers and oceans

Having a WWW based business is very challenging because the internet is such a fast changing environment. In the year since my last blog entry a lot has changed: web space and

bandwidth charges continue to plumit; highspeed internet access is now almost universal; most of all though is the continuing growth of sites that mimic YouTube (which does not allow porn), sites like YouPorn and PornoTube. These sites allow users to upload and/or watch a huge number of hardcore videos, and all free of charge. The traffik that YouPorn, et al, get is phenomenal (YouPorn is now the No. 1 adult site in the world - *** green with envy***) and the business model they use is worrying many pay-to-view site owners. Are Izzy and I worried..? A little, but not much. See, for many years now the internet has been awash with free porn, but it can be a bit problematic trying to find it - it takes a lot of time, you get bombarded with adverts and blind links and viruses and just about everything else that's annoying about the internet (and to avoid all this hassle there'll always be a percentage of sensible surfers who will join a pay-to-view site). The likes of YouPorn make the search for free porn a bit easier. But here's the rub: go to YouPorn or PornoTube and do a search for 'pantyhose'. You won't find a vast number of videos, and if you specialise the search even more to 'fashion pantyhose' or 'ballet pantyhose' or 'red pantyhose' you won't find much at all. The YouPorno-type sites don't cater for this type of fetish.

On the otherhand let's look at the meia-calca.com January update: as well as the expected stuff we also have 8 photo galleries of wet and messy pantyhose, 9 galleries of wedding pantyhose and 12 galleries of hentai/cartoon pantyhose, not to mention 5 galleries of celebrities wearing pantyhose. Please e-mail me if you know of any other pantyhose site that has this fetish so widely covered?

Our February update is going to be just as large and varied; but don't worry, despite all the work involved in these updates I will still try to keep this blog on track.

*grins*

 
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e-mail:   ana.isabela@meia-calca.com